The Clash. Should I Stay, or Should I Go ......

Sunset on Loch Leven 250m from my house

"Should I Stay or Should I Go" by The Clash on the album Combat Rock seems a fitting mataphor for my life at the moment. The pull of  a Highland Glen my home and belonging place, with its mountains, rivers and sea. Where life has been, a marriage, family and friends. Community too. Or risk change. I miss seeing my children and grandchildren. I am under no illusion that they need me on their doorstep as they have their own lives to live. But being nearer would be good. Even within an hour, or for Duncan 2 hours. That first 90 minutes before getting to any road nexus from Glencoe is hard psychologically, as for any road closures its a further 2 hour diversion north or south. Its the A82, A85/A84 or an exploration of Scotlands topography. Topography which is certainly not linear.

The increasingly busy and dangerous A82 where I have had so many near misses recently. The unpredictable and frankly awful recent weather, and the short dark winter days  pose a mental health challenge. Over tourism is incresingly apparent. 

There are the mountains that still take my breath away, figuratively and litteraly. Spell binding sunsets that set the sky aflame, a river, crystal clear, which maybe a silver Salmon might still be seen. And the deer that allow us into their realm. In return, the deer get a more colourful vegetarian diet from our gardens, more so than most of the local resturantes can provide. I love the deer. They enhance our lives. Persecuted on the alter of carbon capture credits and trees, cruel and outrageous culling more akin to extermination is their lot. So they can have my flowers.

There is the pull of Fiona and the good life we shared here.  44 years together. Grief is frightening, and lonley and I struggled after her going. Later in time I was lucky enough to meet a very lovely lady to share life with for a bit. Thats been a blessing, she is a wonderful lady. But the distance and A82 was too much. Although I was working on changing that. When you lose someone you loved/love, you dont ever move on, or get over it. You just learn to live with it. Eventually you build a carapice and a new life over that past. Its never gone or forgotten. Its always there, but ceases defining you. Especally so if you have somone to help build over it. Someone you love. I was doing that quite well. But it seems everything has its time.

If I upsticks I would miss the good friends and exceptional neighbours who are thoughtful and kind. This is still a  village with polite well brought up children where getting up the woods with a shovel to make a bike jump obviates the desire for wheelie bin fires and other city like distractions. But, there is the pull of a city that has captured my heart, Edinburgh. Things to do, lectures, art, good beer and stunning midlothian walks. A buzz of culture to dip in and out off. Friends there also. And importantly, a selction of climbing venues inside and out, and the social scene that goes with that. I have tasted all of that from the city in the last three years and with a lovely companion, and its a heady addictive mixture when you come from a quiet village.

I am stranded on a stepping stone in the middle of a river. Its a short hop to the near bank and a leap to the far one and new territory. I will stand here a bit longer and ponder before making any big jump. These sunset years of our lives are no less stressful with choices than adulthood. 

Sunrise over Loch Ba on the way to Lucy Edinburgh

The Dash. The Span of our Life

This last two years has had some moments, not least getting back fit after a new hip. It was harder than expected, especially as I had a setback from trying to climb the ski mountain in snow two months after the operation. Diminished is how I seemed to those who know me. Lately I have been trying to undimish myself, and thankfully I am almost back to fully fit, and getting quite strong. The physical setback had quite a profound effect on my mental health but that is now also healing. Perhaps its these hurts and setbacks, the losses, the downs that teach us the biggest lessons. Somehow we get up again. I want to live better, and more gently on this small planet. I want to love those close to me, family and friends. And be more active against injustice and ecocide. But sometimes that is daunting in the face of current politics and changes in society.

How we live and what we leave as legacy of our short years on this little planet was recently brought home by the brevity of a gravestone. An entire lifespan condensed to a dash between birth and death. The birth and end dates can, sadly, be too close for some who left this earthly place far too soon. The dates mere bookends to life. The dash between matters, it’s a life, and it’s going to be our eulogy. That tiny little mark and it's span should be lived well and filled with love and gratitude. At the end that is all there is to life. Two dates conjoined by a little mark. The love you gave and received the only after life. Dates and a dash chiseled on your temporal stone. Time erodes, moss covers and we are forgotten.

“In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on.”

Polarity

That day I stand in the Meadows. Music pulses out across the crowd. A light haze above, and an earthy skunky aroma in the air. A variety of genders in red dresses move to the rhythm of the music full of joy and Sativa. I'm an imposter here, astounded, and confounded at the variety of humanity around me. Betwixt loving the spectacle and joy of what's around, and between the polarities of who I am.  Edinburgh man to be one day, or country boy the next. Even among the furthest bogs and lochs of the moor of Rannoch I never felt so far from myself. And yet I feel very alive. The paradox of the gael. A living, breathing, dichotomy. 

This day I am on the river seeking silver salar and it's wisdom. This river that connects me between a loch and a hard place. A Strath or auld reekie. The dùthchas wins only because the decision is made for me. And that's ok.

The Kate Bushes

RECCO onboard the SAR Helicopters in Scotland

Teams have R9 detectors as sometimes helcopters don't fly

Some great news for mountain rescue in Scotland. Recco R9 detectors will be carried as winter kit on Inverness and Prestwick coastguard flights. This is something I have wanted for years. Currently we have detectors with Glencoe, Lochaber, Killin, Tayside and Cairngorm MRT’s and Glencoe Ski Patrol. Very soon we hope to have one with Braemar MRT. This gives good coverage to the teams they are with, and neighbouring teams who they assist, and who often give back up to the teams venturing into avalanche terrain. There is no point in a rescuers rescuer being in bed miles away in a time critical event when a team has members buried. 

The purpose of the detectors on the aircraft is to provide the R9 as an additional resource to equipped teams, but also very importantly give teams in remote areas where in a large proportion of the time a helicopter will be the only meaningful way to get the rescuers to an avalanche scene inside a survival window. And also as a victim location tool out with that critical time window. We should never forget Robert Burnett in the Southern Cairngorms who was dug out after 22 hours burial. Found using bamboo probes by Braemar rescuers and Invercauld estate workers, this remains a salient lesson to never give up on the buried victim.

Its been a long haul over the last 15 years getting Recco coverage in Scotland as a Recco trainer. Unlike the Alpine nations we have sadly bought into the myth that in Scotland its always too late or its trauma that has killed the victims. When there is no data to support this myth and anecdotal evidence that with earlier recovery by being searchable there would be more survivors. The ratio of trauma to triple H syndrome or where trauma is a contributing factor is in my view the same as any other country with unpredictable maritime snowpacks. A previous blog post explores this. 

https://crankitupgear.blogspot.com/2016/12/triple-h-or-trauma-in-scottish.html

A huge thanks to my colleague Nigel Harling Helicopter SAR liaison for MRC England for getting the idea of equipping the flights achieved. He has worked tirelessly with the coastguard for the last 6 months as Recco UK SAR helicopter rep. A special thanks also to Kirsty Pallas for incorporating Recco familiarity to students on the SMR avalanche course. And of course a big thanks to Recco who have supplied detectors on long term free contracts. A tremendous company to work for, and dedicated to avalanche safety and the saving of lives. 

Coastguard SAR in Action

New ideas and technology are slow to be taken up in Scotland, despite ICAR and other organisations regarding Recco as a standard search tool in avalanches. It reminds me very much of when I had a defib on trial here at Glencoe for the team in 1992, on loan after a person I was treating as first on scene arrested, and I did not have one. I had the piss taken about getting myself electrocuted when I had the big Marquette defib and later a Laerdal Heartstart. They were heavy and noisy monophasic defibs. No one was laughing when one of my colleagues Billy Muir delivered twenty shocks to a lady and got ROSP. I was on the ventilation BVM via ET tube that wild night. Who would dream of turning up at a cardiac event these days without a defib. Billy also saved someone life fairly recently working for Rabbie tours on a distillery visit where a tourist arrested and he used the distilleries defib to successfully resuscitate them. Few folk can say they definitively saved someones life. I hope they give him drams for life! 

Handheld R9 deployed in St Anton Austria

"Betwen a Loch and a Hard Place" now on Amazon

 My book is now available on Amazon